TYCHO ADVENTURES - Round Robin Edition

The Starship Tycho was making a routine jump when it suddenly found itself stuck inside a wormhole! On the bridge, Science Officer Karolyn was frantically callibrating her instruments, trying to learn the secret of the "frozen wormhole" phenomenon. Her frustration mounted as she began actuating various sensors at extreme settings and in experimental combinations; desperately hoping for some data output she could comprehend.

At that point, Civilian Advisor Guy entered the bridge carrying a volume of 'Selected Poems Of The Cosmos'. "Karolyn, have you seen the captain?"

"I think he and First Officer Marchelle are in the holodeck, Guy," she responded. "I Haven't kept track because of our wormhole crisis."

"My goodness! We have a wormhole crisis?!" Guy strode over to Karolyn's instrument console and absent-mindedly set his poetry book down on the tachyon subspace scanner.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"Please, Guy! I can't explain it and I'm very busy!" Karolyn straightened up with sudden inspiration. "Computer," she commanded. "Scan a bubble of subspace all around the Tycho to a diameter of one kilometer."

All hands on the bridge stared expectantly at the viewscreen which only displayed random, swirling patterns. No one noticed a pale blue aura forming around the book of poetry atop the tachyon scanner.

At that moment, Capt. Klosowski entered the bridge followed by First Officer Marchelle. The volume of poetry suddenly flashed with a bright blue light -- and disappeared!

Ted: "Officer Karolyn what was that light?

It came from your console and gave me a fright!"

Karolyn: "Goodness, my Captain, I really don't know.

Everything's screwy in this frozen wormhole!"

The bridge crew darted surprised glances at the captain and Karolyn, who both looked nonplussed. Guy cleared his throat and broke the awkward silence.

Guy: "Pardon me, Karolyn, but where is my book?

I thought it was here when last I did look."

Both Ted and Karolyn glared at Guy with arched eyebrows. First Officer Marchelle, having recently recovered from one laughing fit, started getting the giggles again. Ted turned to her in heightened annoyance.

Ted: "All RIGHT, Number One! Get control of yourself!

Can up your laughs! Put 'em back on the shelf!"

Ted winced at his own utterance. Chastened by the rebuke, Marchelle put on a serious face and straightened up.

Marchelle: "I'm so sorry, Sir. It won't happen again.

Let's concentrate now on this puzzle we're in."

Marchelle winced but managed to keep a straight face. Ted shook his head in bewilderment and looked around the bridge seeking an explanation. His eyes stopped at his security officer.

Ted: "Let's have a report from Lieutenant Ken Cunning.

Is security up? Are all systems running?"

This time Ted merely squeezed his eyes shut momentarily. Lt. Cunning glanced over his own security systems console then opened his mouth apprehensively.

Ken: "Uhhh... Everything seems to be working all right.

No breaches or glitches that come to my sight..."

Ken sighed dejectedly at his own submission to the rhyming plague. Ted waved his hand dismissively.

Ted: "That's OK, Lieutenant, you reported quite well.

Apparently we're all under some sort of spell."

The bridge door swished open and Lt. Commander Dianne Blankenship emerged in great haste and out of breath.

Dianne: "I'm not Paul Revere but I really am bumming.

Look out everyone for the red shirts are coming!"

Ted: "Good Lord, Commander, what IS your obsession?!

You constantly yak about red shirt possession!"

The door opened again and LCPL James Stephens marched onto the bridge followed by a contingent of red-shirted marines -- all of them armed with phaser rifles.

James: "Captain Klosowski I know something's wrong!

Whenever we speak it's like singing a song!

I've done as you ordered. We're all wearing red.

We'll fight like marines tho we may end up dead!"

Ted: "Cool down, Corporal, we're not in a war!

Just under the influence of some rhyming bore.

Ted turned to the ship's councilor.

"Councilor Mominee please give some idear.

Why are all of us talking so queer?"

Donna had been quietly taking in the bizaare scene and looking intently at each person as they spoke. Now she closed her eyes for a moment in thought and wrinkled her brow. Finally, she opened her eyes and began speaking slowly.

"The..wormhole..seems frozen and now we speak rhyme.

Perhaps...now our language is frozen in time!

But when was the time with talk only in rhyme?

Such silly expression is surely a crime!

But wait..we all know where such talk could endure.

You get talk like this out of LI-TER-A-TURE!"

This thought sparked a recollection in the captain. He turned his gaze back to Civilian Advisor Guy who was still standing by the sensor console with Karolyn.

"I say there, Guy, I know I'm just fishing,

But didn't you say that you had a BOOK missing?"

With all eyes turning toward him, Guy began to feel very uncomfortable.

"well, yes sir, Captain, I did have a book...

I may have set it down here in this nook."

Guy gestured toward the tachyon subspace scanner.

"But then came a flash and the book disappeared...

and all of the talk began to get weird!"

Karolyn's eyes widened in shock.

"You put your book down in such careless manner..

as I activated the tachyon scanner?!!!"

The blood drained from Guy's face as he looked hopelessly from Karolyn to the captain. He tried to say something but could only muster a "Duuuhhhh......"

Donna: "Never mind, Guy, what I want to know

is what TYPE of book that is now a no-show?"

Guy shut his gaping mouth and considered for a tense moment. Then his shoulders slumped and he said sadly:

"Oh golly GEE! It is now plain to me.

The book that I lost was about...poetry!"

Donna: "Ahh, so what we have here is a curious mix.

Both physics and LANGUAGE are playing these Tricks!"

Ted turned to his communications and language expert, Lt. Commander Jim Kubajak.

"Can you help out here, Commander Kubajak,

So we can get back upon the right track?"

Jim bent over the communications console and began punching language parameters into its data bank. He spoke with quiet intensity:

"Our speech patterns thus far do harken way back

with irreverant poems writ by any old hack!

The quality's flippant and quite juvenile.

I think... mid twentieth century style!"

Jim completed his input and looked over to Karolyn.

"The language parameters are now in the plan.

Can you include them in your tachyon scan?"

Karolyn gulped and made a few adjustments. She looked up to Captain Klosowski:

"Captain, the scanner's still working all right

with twentieth century limits in sight."

Ted cleared his throat and turned to the bridge viewscreen which still displayed a murky, swirling panorama of subspace.

"Computer within the time limits now glean

a subspace transmission and put it onscreen."

For a moment a crackling static emanated from the sound system while jagged, multicolored lights flashed on the viewscreen. Then the colors faded to black and white while four distinct notes began repeating:

"Doo DOO

Doo doo

Doo DOO

Doo doo"

The notes stopped and were followed by a distinguished professorial voice with a decidedly ironic edge:

"For your consideration; an exploratory spacecraft falls into a galactic rabbit hole dominated by the likes of Lewis Carroll and Ogden Nash."

The onscreen static resolved into a black and white image of Rod Serling leering out with a malicious grin.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, you have just entered the Twilight Zone of BAD POETRY!!!"